Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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