I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
barbara walters just said penis...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
