i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
