I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
