We won't sleep together?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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