someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
