3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
