he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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