just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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