Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
