Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
