i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
