There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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