ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
