So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
