I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
being pregnant is like rehab
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
