OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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