i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
