a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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