Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize