quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
