it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
