Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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