What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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