Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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