Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
