remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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