Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize