Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
