I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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