Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MIDGETS
????
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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