im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
