There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize