just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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