If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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