I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
bring money and cleavage
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
