We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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