So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
