i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
