Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
