he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
