oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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