I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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