you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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