so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
