That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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