She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
