I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
