we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
