lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
