My friends, they love my intelligence
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
