i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
