Redeem this text for a blowjob
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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