no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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