yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
