Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My life is pants optional.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
