What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
