Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
