the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
