Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
