New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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