Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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