Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
