I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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