If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize