I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I intend to get homeless drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
