the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Found the puke drawer
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
