I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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