Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
