Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
third nipple confirmed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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