I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
