Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
