the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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