i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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