Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize