Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just gargled with NyQuil
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
