if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
