you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
