My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
