I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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