yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
