Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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