Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
