Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
