trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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