I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
