Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
