DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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