I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
