Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
